Kaleidoscope
by Rosethorn Li
Summary: Step by step, we all progress down the road of adulthood, holding onto what we can. Or, just like her mother, Kasumi keeps a journal.


**Kaleidoscope  
**Step by step, we all progress down the road of adulthood, holding onto what we can. Or, just like her mother, Kasumi keeps a journal.

Notes: Unsubmited story for femgenficathon over on LJ.  
Prompt: 124) _I caress the withered flower/Fondle the fragrant petals/Trying to bring back the lost time._ - Li Qingzhao (formerly called Li Ching Chao) (born circa 1083 - died circa 1151), Chinese antiquarian, author, poet and book collector of the Sung dynasty, regarded by some as the foremost poet in the Chinese language.

* * *

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 5.  
Hi! Mama keeps a journal so Im going to keep one too. Mama says itll help me learn writing. I like helping mama she lets me do things when I help her. I wanna be just like mama when I grow up! I dont ever wanna stop helping mama!_

"I want to stay with daddy forever," Kasumi announced to her mother. The woman chuckled at her daughter, whose small hands worked diligently to form imperfect, though still delicious, rice balls. Every morning they practiced making lunch; Kasumis rice balls today had fewer lumps in them than yesterdays'. "I want to stay with mama too, and sissy. Forever and ever."

"I am sure you can, Kasumi-chan." Her mother smiled down at her, and Kasumi smiled back.

"I want to stay with other sissy too," she said, glancing at her mothers slightly swollen stomach.

"Oh?" Another chuckle, and her mother gently asked, "Are you certain it is another sister? It might just be a little brother."

"No, it's a sister." Kasumi was completely sure of that. Daddy has his students, and mama needs the most help.

"But arent you already helping me, Kasumi-chan?"

"Yes! I like helping mama. Another sister could help too, though. I dont mind." She was too little to help daddy (daddy had said so), but maybe when she was bigger, and her little sisters were helping mama, she would be big enough to try.

Mother's smile was very bright; Kasumi liked that smile a lot. It said how much mama loved her almost as much as the words. "That is very generous of you, my dear."

Kasumi nodded, and patted her last rice ball. She wasn't sure what generous meant, but since mama had said it, it must be a good thing to be.

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 8.  
Mamas sick again; daddy had to take her to the hospital. I wanted to go, too, but he said I had to watch Nabiki and Akane 'cause I was a good older sister and that's what good older sisters did. Ms. Kazama wouldn't let me help make dinner; she said she couldn't find my stool. I helped her find the rice, though, cause mama puts it in a special place_

_I want mama to get better soon and come home and make cooking with me. I miss mama and so do Akane and Nabiki._

"Daddy? Where did mama go?" He sat there. He'd sat there for hours and hours. Akane-chan was still crying, and Nabiki-chan was hiding again. They both wanted mama, so older sister Kasumi had to find her and get her, she just had to. "Daddy?" her small voice pleaded. She couldn't touch him; daddy didn't look like he wanted a hug.

He blinked. He moved his hand, a little. But he wouldn't tell her where mama had gone.

"Is she hiding from us again, daddy? Like hide and seek?" That made Kasumi the seeker; she'd never really been good at being the seeker. Mama would make it easy for herself to be found, though, because she was kind.

"Kasumi-chan, bring your sisters," daddy told her after a long, long silence.

She smiled brightly, relieved. "Okay!"

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 8._

_I bet mama's cooking in Heaven. She'd be the best cook there, and everybody would love eating her food even though they didn't have to. Mama would make people smile and have places for us when we were ready to come._

_Mama would miss us, but watch us, too. I bet she's proud of the 100% I got in History today!_

It was sad that mama was dead, but Akane-chan and Nabiki-chan were even sadder than she was. Kasumi, at least, knew where mama had gone: to Heaven, of course! The happy place in the sky. Mama had told her about heaven and spirits and that she could join her if she wanted, but only if Kasumi really, really wanted to.

Daddy started crying when she asked for mamas necklace. It was too big of her, the beads almost touched her belly button, but she liked it. Something of mothers was all she wanted.

Kasumi cried too, but after everybody else was done, clutching the necklace in her small hands and wondering why mama had been taken away so soon.

It was only her and her sisters and daddy now. So she had to be a good big sister and take care of everyone, so she could stay with them forever and ever.

Like mama couldn't anymore.

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 19.  
The oddest thing happened today. Father's friend, Mr. Saotome and his son, Ranma, arrived this afternoon. They are cursed, or so it seems. Mr. Saotome is part panda! And Ranma, well. As it happens, he turns into a young lady._

_Oddest of all, father wishes one of us to marry him! An engagement was struck before any of us were born. How old fashioned._

_I wonder what mother would make of all this._

_I cannot help but think she would laugh, and try to do what she could. Mother always did say: It is best to take things as they come, and do what you can while you do._

"Would you like some more, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi asked. The boy nodded vigorously, mouth full to bursting with food. She scooped more rice for his bowl.

"Mmmgrehal," Ranma said.

Kasumi smiled. "You're welcome."

The wall behind her burst inward, sending debris onto the table and into the food. "Airen!" yelled one of Ranmas little friends. Shampoo, wasn't it? "Make you good, good Amazon meal. You eat?"

Ranma swallowed his mouthful in one gulp. "N-no thanks!" He glanced behind the girl crouching on the table. Akane glared back, livid.

Kasumi deftly unplugged the rice cooker and snapped on the lid. She slipped out onto the porch and into the garden just as a familiar figure burst through the roof. "RANMA NO BAKA!"

"Airen!" shouted Shampoo, and clambered out the hole after him. "Will get stupid girl back, later. Now, Shampoo find husband." Kasumi watched her go, over the rooftops in leaps and bounds no ordinary person could copy.

_Mother would have done what she could_, Kasumi thought.

She went back inside.

Akane stood stock still, panting and red, clutching two halves of the dining room table. It had split neatly down the middle. Easily fixed. They had glue. Father could reinforce it again, and it would last a day or two. Maybe even a week.

"Would you like a glass of water, Akane-chan?" Kasumi asked.

Akane dropped the table onto the floor, adding to the pile of shingles and wood. "Er, sure, thanks, Kasumi. I think I'm going to go up to my room, though. I have a lot of homework."

"I'll bring you up some snacks, then."

"No, that's okay. I'm not that hungry. Dinner was great!" Akane smiled at her, lips drawn thin and tilted too high at the edges.

Kasumi came closer, laid a hand on her shoulder. "It's no trouble, Akane-chan. I'll be up in a moment; let me know if there is anything you need. All right?"

Akane nodded; kept on her smile. "Sure, sis."

While she went upstairs, Kasumi went to the kitchen. The rice cooker was put back in its home next to the stove. The sink was empty. The dishes were still in the living room. Kasumi braced her hands against the counter, and inhaled deeply.

Exhaled.

"We do what we can," she reminded the cabinets below. Snacks didn't make themselves.

(Neither, though, did decisions.)

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 22.  
Will be away from home for a few days. Haven't seen Aiko-chan since high school. Nice to see old friends._

Taped in underneath the entry:

You are cordially invited to the wedding of  
Saotome Ranma

Tendou Akane.  
Please join us in our moment of joy.

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 22._

_Father- The hospital has not called back yet. I hope, the surgery went well._

The phone rang, a shrill wail that pierced through the silence of the mostly-empty house. Kasumi rushed from the kitchen and picked it up on the second ring, gripping the earpiece so hard the plastic casing dug painfully into her hand. "Hello? Oh, yes, this is she."

A pause, as the person on the other end spoke- at length, describing such things as to make Kasumi pale and start to tremble. "Yes. Thank you. I will be there soon."

It was an effort to hang up the phone, the dial tone unbearably loud to her ears. Father wasn't coming home, not yet. They said he hadn't even woken up.

She had, she had to do something. What was it? Akane-chan and Ranma-kun would be back from the doctors soon. Uncle Saotome was sleeping.

Dinner. She had to make dinner for them.

(She made too much, and set too many places. If anyone noticed, they didn't mention.)

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 23._

_Wonderful news, Journal-san! Akane has become pregnant with her first child. I do think Ranma nearly fainted when she told him. Nabiki and I are going to help her arrange a baby shower for later this month. They are already picking out names._

_Mother. You would be so proud of her. Father; I know that he will feel the same._

"Father, today was a very special day! Akane-chan has given birth to a healthy baby boy. Hes so big, father, you would think he was more than a week old.

"His name is Souichi. Its a fine, strong name. Uncle and Aunt Saotome were nearly glowing.

"You are a grandfather. How old you must feel!

"Father. I. I would like it very much if you could see him. So please, wake up soon."

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 23._

_Nabiki is coming to visit this afternoon. It will be good to see her again; college exams have kept her so busy these last few months. She has said that she wishes to speak with me about something. I do wonder, has she decided upon the theme for the baby shower?_

_She has always been better at thinking up ideas; better than I._

Nabiki set her bag down on the kitchen counter with a finality that Kasumi was unused to; there was no hint of the teasing sister she had been expecting. "Lunch is almost done," she said through a smile. Had something happened at school?

The way Nabiki looked at her was much too serious. They were supposed to catch up, laugh a bit at the irony of Akane-chan being the first of them to marry and carry a child. This was not what should be happening. "You can't stay here forever, sis."

A near-accusation, out of the blue; Kasumi blinked in confusion. Nabiki was one to do things in an unexpected manner, but never before had Kasumi been so taken by surprise. Always, there was some hint of a confrontation before it came.

"Nabiki-chan?"

"Ranma's got the dojo," Nabiki continued, looking Kasumi directly in the eye. "Akane's going to be a mom pretty soon. They're going to need their space." She pulled a folder out of her bag and gestured with it. "There are some papers I want you to look at. Read them, okay?"

Kasumi barely took in what her sister was saying before Nabiki was gone. From a distance the front door shut with a slight thunk, barely registering over the overpowering whirling noise coming from somewhere close. The folder on the table took held all of Kasumi's attention.

The kettle whistled itself out, the water inside boiling to nothing. Kasumi felt very much like it.

(She took the folder to her room, unopened. There was plenty of time for that later. Something, the bathroom, perhaps, needed cleaned.)

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 23.  
__I don't know what I want to do. I don't think I ever did. Mother what would you do, in my place?_

Shopping was a welcome distraction that afternoon. They needed a few more things than usual, and she would be able to stay out a bit longer. But that did not mean she did not have to go back home, with these thoughts that had caused her to stare at the same fish for several minutes.

"Ah, Kasumi-chan," the elderly woman behind the counter chuckled. "How are you this fine afternoon?"

Startled, it took Kasumi a moment to respond with her usual gentle smile. "I am well, thank you. It is good to see you up and about, Kazama-san." The woman had hurt her hip a month ago; thankfully, it had not needed replaced and only required rest. Whatever rest Kazama-san could give it, that is.

"Say, Kasumi-chan," the shopkeeper began. The woman leaned forward and grinned in a conspiring manner. "Are you doing anything this weekend?"

Kasumi tilted her head thoughtfully to the side, cupping her cheek with one hand. "Not really, no."

"My grandson's coming around, Shunichi-kun, you remember him? He's staying with us a while to take those bar exams; he's a smart boy, won't be hard for him to pass. Won't you come by and see him?" Oh, she was matchmaking. Kasumi shifted her basket to the other arm, attempting to come up with a polite way to decline. She did not think romance had a place in her life right now. Not just yet.

But maybe, that was what Nabiki had meant?

"It is very kind of you to think of me, Kazama-san," Kasumi stated, smiling. I" remember Kazama-kun being fond of Keiko-chan, though. I dont believe he would remember me at all."

"Nonsense," the grandmother scoffed. "Shunichi-kun has asked about you plenty."

Oh, well then. Kasumis polite smile did not waver. "I'm sorry, Kazama-san. Kazama-kun was very nice; of course I will say hello." The grandmother smiled, and nodded. "I will be by Saturday morning; I have a previous commitment that afternoon."

"Oh?"

"Yes." Kasumi looked away. The visiting hours at the hospital did not begin until one in the afternoon on the weekends. "I will be spending time with someone very important."

The old woman blinked, than frowned in sympathy. "Hmm. Alright, Kasumi-chan. Have a nice day, now."

"I will, thank you." She bowed politely, and moved on to the next stall. It wasn't until she had turned the corner that she realized she'd forgotten to buy the fish for dinner that night.

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 26.  
I think I have spent the majority of my nights at the hospital this week. No wonder I feel so tired. I must stay late tonight as well, just in case._

Kasumi blinked, taking to allow her eyes to settle once again upon the darkness of a hospital room. It was a double room, with the bed closest to the door empty. Curtains were drawn around the occupied bed, to give the patient as much privacy as possible. She approached as quietly as she could, not wishing to disturb him.

She drew back the curtain cautiously. He was, indeed, sleeping. With gentle hands, Kasumi reached out and shook his shoulder. The man in the bed grunted and snorted into wakefulness; she chuckled lightly at his disorientation.

"Kazama-san," she whispered a greeting. "Good morning. Your wife is here to take you home."

"Ahn," he replied, struggling to sit up. He was a proud man, and only when he nearly felt back into the bed did Kasumi offer her hand. She pulled firmly at his stronger arm and helped him find his feet.

"The sun is very bright this morning. It is a beautiful day to go home to." She left him by the bed to collect his belongings. Kasumi returned a few minutes later with a wheel chair in tow. Kazama-san looked at it with contempt. "I will take you to the lobby, if you like."

"Don't need that thing." He muttered unpleasant things under his breath, low enough that she couldn't make them out. Kasumi had known Kazama-san since she was a child; she knew from experience he was grumpy in the morning. Her mother and his wife had been friends, and Kasumi remembered many an afternoon of them chatting while she played with her dolls in the garden.

"It is our policy, Kazama-san. I could get someone else to take you down. Your wife is waiting, and I do believe Shunichi-san is, as well." Her smile was pleasant, but left no room for his grumbling.

"Yes, Nurse Tendou, he muttered, taking his seat in a way that clearly stated he was doing this against his will.

Nurse Tendou: it sounded so official. Finally, she was helping people. That was the best part of all.

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 23.  
__Nabiki has given me much to think on. I have never wondered where I would be five, ten, twenty years in the future. Now, I cannot help such thoughts. Something must be changed; what, I do not know._

_What can one do, but move forward? Wherever the road leads, we must always follow. To choose the path, and take the first step, is the hardest part._

The nurses knew her by sight, that Kasumi-san who visited the coma ward every day. They spoke with her and joked with her, but most times left her alone. She was polite, and tried to be social, well, as friendly as she could, given the circumstances.

Some of the staff even began to see her as something like a friend. Shizuka was one of them.

"Nurse Shizuka," said Kasumi-san all of a sudden, smoothing the blankets of her father's bed. "If I may ask, at which school did you receive your certification?"

Shizuka finished laying out the bed sheet on the empty bed as she replied, "K school. It has a very good program. I learned a lot there." She paused, and turned to face the seated woman. "Are you thinking of applying somewhere?"

"No, no, I was only curious." Kasumi-san's smile was nearly disarming in its sincerity. Shizuka shrugged, and went on with her day.

(Kasumi hid a pamphlet in the pages of her book. It had only been a passing thought, nothing more.)

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 17.  
__We had to turn in our future career sheets today. I didn't know what to put. Father says I can do anything I want, but I don't know. Akane and Nabiki will still be in school once I have graduated, won't they? I wonder what they will put. University is expensive._

_The future seems so far away. There are three years until I'm twenty! Why must I think of such things now?_

From the career sheet of Tendou Kasumi, high school student: year two, class A, aged 17.

First choice: Mother.

Second choice: Florist.

Third choice: Blank; traces of eraser marks.

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 18.  
__The book I borrowed from Tofu-sensei was very good. Did you know that there are several chi centers on our body, and that, if certain ones are used properly, they can help with the healing process? It is amazing what our ancestors discovered so long ago, and what we still use today._

From the career sheet of Tendou Kasumi, high school student: year three, class A, aged 18.

First choice: Mother.

Second choice: Someone who helps others.

Third choice, crossed out: doctor or nurse.

-0-0-0-

_From the Journal of Tendou Kasumi, aged 23.  
__I am glad. So very glad, that words cannot describe it. No matter what the future holds, I know that all will be well._

This is how Kasumi thought it would be when father woke: her by his side, holding his hand, and the feel of his fingers tightening around hers in that familiar, solid grip.

It was raining. The hospital called at 7:14 in the morning, rousing everyone else in the house as she cooked breakfast. Kasumi arrived at 8:00 exactly, soaking wet and hair as askew as any had seen it, her eyes rimmed in red. Father was the one known to cry often, but then, she was his daughter.

Kasumi had missed him. So very much.


End file.
